My Everyday Musings

23, hella gay, PDX

It’s been a little more than a year since I almost got my left thumb severed off by a wood splitter. Still, I find it hard to believe that an injury to your hand can completely sideline from pretty much doing anything for 5 months. My biggest problem was that while I was pretty much sedentary, I was still in the mindset that I could eat whatever I wanted because I would just burn it all away on my rides. Except I could barely do basic things let alone go train for hours on end like I did before. Needless to say I paid for my arrogance/ stupidity. Fast-forward and I’ve managed to lose half of what I gained by not really doing much of anything, but now I’ve hit that plateau, and now part of me just wants to say fuck it and just lay around, and eat whatever I want. But I’ve been on an hiatus from racing for far too long and my body craves for the ecstatic rush of adrenaline, the gut-wrenching jolts of pain emanating from every muscle in my legs as I attack relentlessly, the satisfaction I get from looking back and seeing others suffer as they try and hang on my wheel, and the pain-soothing drone of dozens of wheels hitting the tarmac. I told myself that I would be race fit come next spring, but It’s almost the new year and so far I see myself going nowhere, what do I need to do? My work schedule doesn’t lend itself well to any sort of training, leaving me choosing between watching RuPaul’s drag race/Colbert/Daily Show or Mindlessly peddling on the trainer for an hour or so which I hate. Where did I leave my discipline and work ethic? I need to be stricter with myself, I need to get up earlier if need be and ride or run, hell I just need to do something. I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with myself until I am able to get to back in the saddle and make everyone suffer at my wheel. I’m off my rocker, I know ;-)

…towards the end when it becomes more important, you… want to go for the win.. Often I take a more aggressive way of thinking, a more confident way of thinking – if it hurts me, it must hurt the other ones twice as much. They are only human. They cannot go faster than you.”

-Jens Voigt